With the situation between North and South Korea intensifying these days due to the sinking of the Cheonan, I was thinking about dedicating this post solely to calling people to prayer.
After reading past the headlines though, I'm still a bit worried, but I think there's still a little space to take a step back and reflect (and hopefully this space remains and grows larger over the next few days).
There's a lot we could reflect on: the efficacy of/reason for prayer in situations like this, the history of conflict on the Korean peninsula, how followers of Christ should address the possibility of war. The topic I want to bring our focus on today, however, is one that applies not only to international politics but also to interpersonal relationships. And that is, the relationship between conflict and communication, and how followers of Christ should approach it.
North Korea is well noted for its grammatically interesting press releases. Some examples:
"The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. It marks a historic event, as it greatly encouraged and pleased the Korean People's Army and people that have wished to have powerful, self-reliant defense capability."
"The U.S. imperialist robbers have stretched their crooked tentacle of crime-woven aggression with wild ambition...[they will] meet the fate of forlorn, wandering spirits."
(You can find an article about the interesting brand of English used by North Korea's Central News Agency here)
Well, English is a complicated language, so who can blame a news agency for some awkward grammar, right? I certainly won't take too much issue with it. But it reminds me of one important fact when it comes to relationships: while conflict is unavoidable at times, bad communication is not. And since bad communication often leads to otherwise avoidable conflicts, it pays to become a better communicator.
Ever get into a fight with someone, and the whole time you're thinking, "Why doesn't this person understand what I'm saying!?" I have. And at moments like that, my pervading instinct is to try to make my argument as powerful as possible, attacking from all angles. I find myself using the time that they are talking to plot out how I'm going to make my next point, and I only listen to what they're saying in order to see how it relates to my argument.
This is not effective communication, and those who think/relate like this are only asking for more conflict than is necessary.
Here's are three really basic ways to avoid falling into that trap:
1. Listen
Do this not just to make your own point stronger, but to really understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. Remember that it takes two to tango. You can't have a relationship all by yourself.
2. Let them know that you are listening
Eye contact, signs of affirmation (even if you don't agree with their point), even repeating back what they have just told you...these all help the other person know that you are listening. And if they can see that, then they will most likely do the same for you.
3. Keep it about the issues
It's easy to think while arguing with someone, "What is wrong with this person?" But the truth is that kind of thinking only goes one way: towards a break in the relationship. When we make things about the person and not the issue, we're telling the person, "You need to change or else...". That's not a relationship, that's an ultimatum. Remember, it takes two to tango.
Actually, what I'm talking about here is more than just effective communication. It's about Christ's love and how we are to live as people who are loved unconditionally by God and called to love in the same manner. But to avoid possibly diluting that phrase, I'm not going to talk too much more about it. I'll just leave you with a picture of what that looks like from Paul:
'We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me."'
Romans 15:1-3
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